Funny Clever One Liners
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Error, no keyboard -- press F1 to continue.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Hard work has a future payoff. - Laziness pays off now.
What is a 'free' gift? - Aren't all gifts free?
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Old soldiers never die; young ones do.
If you're right 98% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
Avoid cliches like the plague.
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?
All's well that ends.