When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
There are two kinds of secrets : one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you.
If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good
Illiterate?... Write for FREE HELP!
Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached.
But I don't have an "any key" on my computer!
But I don't like the cat. Shut up and eat your dinner!
The family that sticks together should bathe more often.
The fridge light DOES go out. Now let me out of here!!!!
The more you say, the less people remember.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
My Wife Says I Never Listen, Or Something Like That...
Never hit a man with glasses... Use your fist!
Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely
He's dead Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me
Oh yea? If you're so smart, why don't I understand you?
Oh, I'm sorry, were the voices in my head bothering you?
I can't remember the last time I forgot something.
Time is the best teacher, but it kills all its students.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Why remember quotes when you can make them up?
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A fool and his money are soon partying. Always try to be modest. And be VERY proud of it!
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.