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Clean Fun

Groucho Marx

•Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

• Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

• Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

• Women should be obscene and not heard.

• Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

• Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

• I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

• I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

• One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

• Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

• If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

• A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

• Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

• Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

• Room service? Send up a larger room.

• A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

• I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

• A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

From my world to yours,